It's a Trap #7 Blaming others, refusing to forgive, or feelings of guilt.
- Ed Green
- Feb 25, 2022
- 3 min read
Updated: Jan 29
Trap # 7
One of my favorite lines from Star Wars is the perfectly timed warning: “It’s a trap!”
And if we’re honest, life sometimes delivers that same message—usually after we’ve already stepped into it.?
Most of us have felt trapped at one time or another. Sometimes it’s obvious, like a relationship that keeps replaying the same argument or a job that quietly drains the joy out of your days. Other times, the trap is far more subtle. You don’t feel imprisoned at first. You just feel stuck… uneasy… guarded. And then one day, metaphorically speaking, you hear the door close behind you. Here’s the real problem: how do you look for a way out if you don’t realize you’re confined?
Author Kathy Gottberg describes seven common traps that quietly imprison us, much like a speed trap you didn’t see coming. You’re cruising along, thinking all is well—until the lights flash and reality hits. The realization comes after you’re already pulled over. Or in this case, after the emotional cell door shuts.
What makes these traps especially powerful is that they don’t look like traps at all. They often disguise themselves as protection, logic, loyalty, or even virtue. Yet underneath, they are toxic patterns that leave us feeling victimized and powerless. Each one binds us to the past with the mistaken belief that others are responsible for our happiness—or our misery.
Unfortunately, this is a common theme and a source of hurt and pain for many people I’ve worked with over the years in therapy and, more recently, coaching. When people are imprisoned by their past, they don’t just remember it—they relive it.
Old experiences are unconsciously superimposed onto the present making you believe it's happening again, still, or will happen in the future, is real.
Wives become mothers. Husbands become fathers. Tragedies long past become something to be avoided at all costs—even when there’s no indication that avoidance is needed in the present. All of this can leave you scared, angry, or guilty, without fully understanding why.
This is the trap.
Believing something is real now simply because it happened then. Like the wife who fears her husband will cheat on her because her last husband did. Or the man who reacts with anger, believing he’s defending himself against an attack, when his body is still responding to abuse from childhood.
At that point, the trap quietly becomes the prison.
From a psychospiritual perspective, this is where time collapses. The past no longer stays in the past. Emotional memory overrides present awareness, and the nervous system responds as if the threat is happening now. The mind believes it. The body confirms it. And the soul waits for relief.
The first step out of this prison is recognizing a simple but profound truth: what happened in the past no longer exists—only the emotional residue remains.
Whether you believe what you feel in the present or learn to question it determines imprisonment. The difference is this: recreating your past keeps you trapped; recognizing people for who they truly are—free of your past—frees you and them.
Wouldn’t that alone improve the quality of your life and relationships?
Many people are able to work through this on their own. Others turn to psychotherapy to resolve and bring closure to the past. Coaching can be a powerful resource once the past is integrated, but internal blocks still remain. Different tools for different stages of freedom.
Let’s begin with number 7 and work our way to number one.
Trap 7 Blaming others, refusing to forgive, or feelings of guilt.
Blame, unforgiveness, and guilt may feel justified—sometimes even necessary—but they are among the most effective jailers we know. They keep us anchored to old stories and old wounds, reinforcing the belief that our inner state depends on someone else’s behavior.
And once again, the past sneaks into the present, wearing a very convincing disguise.
This trap feels familiar because it is familiar. But familiarity is not the same as truth. And recognizing that difference is where the door begins to open when you ask yourself -
Who or what am I still holding responsible for how I feel today—and what might change if I reclaimed that responsibility for myself?
Which brings us to Trap #6…
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