It’s a Trap Trap#2 Toxic Relationships
- Ed Green
- Jul 8, 2022
- 3 min read
Updated: Jan 29
Trap#6
Toxic relationships come in at #2 on our list of traps as we make our way toward the #1 trap. And few traps take people on a more intense emotional roller coaster than this one.
Most of us know at least one person who just can’t seem to let go of relationships where they are taken advantage of—or even abused. The difficult part is that this rarely shows up in the beginning. If it did, most of us would turn and run in the opposite direction. But toxic patterns usually emerge slowly, after emotional attachment has already formed.
At first, you accept the explanations. Then the apologies. Then the promises to change. You begin to rationalize the behavior, believing that love, patience, or understanding will eventually fix it. Before you realize what’s happening, the trap is sprung—and you find yourself emotionally imprisoned, unable to see a clear way out.
What makes this even more complicated is when the person involved is a partner, parent, child, or other family member. Emotional bonds, history, loyalty, and guilt blur boundaries and make decisions far more difficult.
From a psychospiritual perspective, this is where love gets confused with endurance. The soul seeks connection, but the mind mistakes suffering for commitment. Over time, tolerating harm becomes normalized, and self-respect quietly erodes.
Toxic Person vs. Unacceptable Behavior
Here’s an important distinction that often gets overlooked—and one that really matters.
A person may display toxic patterns of behavior, but that does not automatically mean the person themselves is “toxic.” In fact, labeling someone as toxic can sometimes make the situation worse, not better. Even if you don't say it, you think it, and if you think it, you'll see it. Labels tend to shut down understanding, increase defensiveness, and make change less likely.
A more helpful approach is to focus on behavior and patterns, not identity.
That said, a person who consistently refuses accountability, dismisses boundaries, manipulates, controls, or engages in emotional, verbal, psychological, or physical abuse is demonstrating toxic behavior. The behavior is what must be addressed, confronted, and, if necessary, protected against.
From a psychospiritual perspective, when we label someone as “toxic,” we freeze them in an identity. When we name behavior as toxic, we preserve the possibility of awareness, responsibility, and change—while still honoring our need for safety and self-respect.
Healthy people, even when they behave poorly, eventually take ownership. They reflect, apologize, make amends, and modify their behavior. Toxic patterns repeat themselves regardless of consequences, apologies, or promises.
The key question is not “Is this person toxic? “ It is, "Is this pattern harmful—and is it changing?”
And that is the question that determines whether a relationship can heal… or whether it has quietly become another trap.
Before reaching the final decision of ending or radically redefining a relationship, here are some honest questions worth asking:
Are you staying because you fear being alone or unable to take care of yourself?
Are you tolerating harmful behavior out of love, believing you can fix, heal, or protect them?
Do promises of change keep coming—and just as consistently get broken?
Does your definition of love include being misused, disrespected, or emotionally harmed?
Are you giving far more care and emotional energy than you receive?
Have repeated requests for healthier behavior gone ignored?
After emotional or verbal abuse followed by apologies, does the same behavior keep repeating?
When you set boundaries, are they continually violated?
Have requests for professional help been refused or dismissed?
At some point, the most important question becomes this: How long are you willing to be treated in a toxic manner before concluding that drastic change—or separation—is necessary?
Especially when children, adolescents, or dependent family members are involved, staying in toxic dynamics does not protect them—it teaches them what to tolerate.
You do not deserve to live in a relationship that diminishes your emotional, psychological, or spiritual wellbeing. You deserve to live the quality of life you were meant to live.
As one relationship resource puts it:
“Relationships are difficult at times and we all have moments of selfish behavior we wish we could take back. Healthy people take ownership, ask for forgiveness, make amends and change their behavior when they are wrong. If your relationship is toxic, don’t stay silent and don’t accept unhealthy behavior. You deserve better.” (https://www.altaredmarriage.com/)
Reflective question
Am I staying in this relationship because it is loving—or because I am afraid of what might happen if I leave?
I hope you found this useful. Feel free to like or comment.
This seven-part blog series has been leading to the #1 Trap: Finances and Debt—the one trap that affects nearly all of us, often without realizing how deeply it shapes our freedom, stress, and sense of security.
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