#2 Toxic Relationships
Toxic relationships comes in at #2 on our list of traps on our way to the #1 trap. Toxic relationships can take you on an emotional roller coaster.
We all know at least one other person that just can’t seem to let go of people in their lives who take advantage of them and sometimes even abuse them. Thing is, this doesn’t always show up at first when meeting someone. If it did you’d probably turn and run away as fast as you can. But it doesn’t always, and emerges and begins to appear over time after you’ve become emotionally involved and attached. So, you go along with the reasons you're given for their behavior, their apologies and soon you begin to acquiesce, at first believing they’ll change cause they said so. Next thing you know, the trap is sprung and you find yourself imprisoned and can’t seem to find a way out.
Hopefully the person being abused isn’t you. What makes it even more difficult is when it is a family member. It then becomes more complicated making it more difficult. Here are a few observations from my work with families and couples that may shed some light on the difficulties and complications when discovering, or knowing their in a toxic relationship.
Feeling intimidated into believing you have no choice but to stay
Fearing being alone and unable to take care of yourself
Tolerating the toxic behavior out of Love and the belief you’re helping, protecting or can fix them
A pattern of promises of change given, and promises of change broken.
Anyone who is toxic to our physical and mental well-being should be eliminated. To do otherwise is to enslave ourselves, which is true. That sounds simple, very cut and dry doesn’t it? But it’s not. However, this can be the last resort when all other reasonable options fail. Before this last resort of discontinuing a relationship, whether friends or family ask yourself these questions.
Does your understanding of Love exclude allowing yourself to be misused, mistreated, hurt or disrespected?
Is your giving of care and well being to another more than you’re receiving?
Have your repeated requests to discontinue negative behavior, or to be treated more lovingly, gone unfulfilled?
After a toxic dump (verbal or physical abuse), and the other apologizes and says it won’t happen again, do you accept the apology, only for it to happen again (habitual pattern of behavior)?
When you set limits and boundaries, are they continually violated?
Have you made several requests to get outside help from a mental health professional and they’ve been declined, denied or ignored (mental health issue could play a role)?
How long are you willing to be treated in a toxic manner before concluding the relationship should come to an end, or drastic measures are needed, like in the case with children and adolescents or other family members?
You don’t deserve to be treated in a toxic manner. Instead, you should be able to live the quality of life you want to live.
“Relationships are difficult at times and we all have moments of selfish behavior we wish we could take back. Healthy people take ownership, ask for forgiveness, make amends and change their behavior when they are wrong. If your relationship is toxic, don’t stay silent and don’t accept unhealthy behavior. You deserve better.” (https://www.altaredmarriage.com/)
I hope you found this useful. Feel free to like or comment.
This seven part blog series has been leading to the #1 Trap, Finances and Debt. You’ll learn how and why this trap affects us all.
In the next and final blog of this series I’ll also be announcing a special event coming soon.